Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 20)

Spiritual messages were all around me. Sometimes I recognized them. Sometimes I didn’t. It all depended on one thing: my perception. When I was in a peaceful place, when I was at peace with myself and my life, I knew that Spirit was with me. But when I was feeling fear in any form:  doubt, frustration, impatience, resentment or anger–when divine guidance seemed so far from reach– I was unable to see anything spiritual at all. What I saw instead were some very convincing and anxiety-provoking illusions: health problems, relationship problems, financial problems…–crises and catastrophes–things to fear.

What were my Guides teaching me?  The difference between truth and illusion–how to see the circumstances of my life through Spirit’s eyes.

I had a lot to learn about spiritual awareness, but I needed to learn my lessons slowly and gradually. I needed time to let them penetrate all my layers and become one with my soul.  In other words, I had to learn each spiritual concept from every angle until I “got it.” Then, once I fully understood the concept, I had to demonstrate it repeatedly in the physical world.

Speaking of spiritual messages…something just happened that I need to share. I spotted a typo in this blog, so I corrected it,  but now I realize it wasn’t a typo at all. I had typed the word “angel” instead of angle, that I needed to learn things from every angel until I “got it.” And now, I can’t stop smiling, because my Guides love word play. They have a wonderful sense of humor, and they always “whisper” the truth.

Silent Voices of the Soul” The Backstory (part 19)

Looking back I now realize that cleaning was a multi-purpose activity. It was all about clearing away clutter. And, yes, it was also a symbolic gesture to the universe–a very clear signal that I was letting in the light by letting go of all the old things that no longer served me. But there was another reason why I felt compelled to get my house in order. It was how I made room for my Guides.

Did I know this at the time? No. All I knew was that I needed to clean. Anytime anyone called to ask what I was doing, my answer was the same: “I’m cleaning.” My kids were always asking me if company was coming over. One year, one of my friends even gave me a vacuum cleaner for Christmas.

My Guides found me while I was doing the most boring, mindless, mundane things: scrubbing the bathtub, washing down the inside of the refrigerator, folding laundry…The most incredible insights found me while I cleaning my house; but, until recently, I never made the connection. I wasn’t aware that cleaning was my meditation, the way I quieted my mind. Right now, I am picturing someone with their hand on the volume dial of a radio, gradually turning down the sound. Because that is exactly what I was doing. I was gradually decreasing the noise level in my head, systematically, although unknowingly, clearing a pathway so divine intelligence could reach me.

Deep down, on some level, I knew that whatever I was doing was feeding my soul. Cleaning made me feel good. Every time I threw a piece of paper away, every time I  carried old useless stuff to the road or threw a bottle into the recycling bin, I felt relieved. Again, I had no idea why. I didn’t know that I was in the process of meeting my Guides half-way. I didn’t understand that by getting rid of clutter, I was making room for something huge, something so much bigger than me. Again, as I am looking back at things from a distance, I can now see the big picture. Cleaning brought me back to the present moment. It took me out of yesterday and prevented me from stepping foot into tomorrow. It centered me in the here and now, exactly where I needed to be in order to hear the whisper.

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 18)

My Guides were teaching me a life-changing lesson. I was learning about energy–”The Law of Attraction”–how to make myself a magnet for Good.  But I didn’t know this at the time. All I knew was that I felt different, that something within me had shifted. Somehow I was aware that the physical act of cleaning meant much more than what was apparent at the surface. I realized that by inviting light into every room of my house, I was initiating a conversation with the universe. I was saying, “OK Spirit, I’m really serious about this now. I’m ready to invite light into every area of my life.”

There was a connection between what was happening around me and what was happening within me. And Spirit had given me a metaphor, so I would be able to piece the puzzle together. Cleaning my home–getting every room of my house in order–was symbolic of the cleansing that was taking place deep inside my soul.  I felt compelled to let go of every old thing I owned, because I was no longer willing to hold onto old, useless energy of any kind. I needed to change the energy of my home to reflect and support my changing vibration, to consciously make it lighter.

This was a very challenging time for me. Letting go of old papers and magazines was one thing. But that was only the beginning of the letting go process, the easy part. I needed to say “goodbye” to all forms of negativity, which meant that I also needed to let go of negative people. I had to sever long-term relationships that no longer served me–the ones that weren’t feeding my soul.

This wasn’t something I wanted to do. In fact, I wanted to hide under a rock. How was I supposed to let go of people who had been in my life for years and years?  How was I supposed to explain that they couldn’t be in my life anymore? What was I supposed to tell them? The truth? That they were spiritually, emotionally and physically draining me?

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt people. On the other hand, was it right to continue hurting myself? At some point I realized that honoring my truth meant that there was no longer room for negative people in my life, that loving myself meant letting them go.

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory(part 17)

My soul  knew why this was happening. I needed to let go of whatever was anchoring me in place, all the old things that were weighing me down. I needed to let go of the clutter I was holding onto–heavy, old, useless stuff that was preventing light from coming into my life. I needed to get rid of all of my old belongings, not just from the attic and basement, but from my mind and soul as well.

I asked Spirit to guide me during the letting go process. I asked for light to shine on all the things I needed to release. At the same time I experienced an incredible urge to clean and get my house in order.

My closet was holding outdated clothes, things that no longer fit me and outfits that were out of style. The attic was filled with lots of old things as well: papers and journals I had written in college,  piles of magazines and 20-year-old text books, maternity dresses and baby clothes… And the basement was filled with even more stuff–lots of broken things that were just collecting dust.

There was something cathartic about what I was doing, letting go of things I no longer desired to own. As I went through boxes and bags and stacks of magazines, I felt extremely peaceful. I was aware that something beyond the physical act of cleaning was taking place. I wasn’t just throwing away old things; I was releasing the energy that was attached to them. Something spiritual was happening; messages were all around me. I was in the process of freeing myself from the past.  I was making room for the here and now, because it was time to grow my soul. And it was up to me to make this happen–to make room for the light to come in.

There were huge boxes stacked next to the attic window that were blocking the sun. They had been there for years. In them were things that my family no longer needed: toys my husband was supposed to fix but never got around to,  gadgets we had picked up at yard sales over the years but had completely forgotten about, little boy clothes I needed to give away… One by one, I unstacked the containers and looked through them. One by one, I carried them down the attic stairs and out the door. By the end of the day there was a ton of old stuff by the side of the road. And for the first time in a long time, light was shining through the attic window.

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 16)

What did I need to let go of in that moment? What was I unknowingly holding onto? Lots of negativity–energies that were in opposition to truth–things that didn’t support the highest part of me. I was worried because everything in my life was changing and I had no idea why. I felt out of control, because all I saw were challenges and crises; my life made no sense.  Breathtaking events were taking place all around me, and not in a good way. My husband had lost his job. My psychic work didn’t feel right to me anymore. And from a physical standpoint, I was feeling awful.  It was impossible to see ever-present good when I was feeling so bad–when my life looked like a mess. Spirit was screaming at me.  The whisper was louder than ever. The truth was being demonstrated all around me. I had outgrown my life; I was standing on the edge of a new beginning. This wasn’t a time to fear, it was a time to celebrate. Unfortunately, I was too busy trying to analyze and rationalize my way to my answers to notice that my life had turned into a textbook example of spiritual transformation.

All I needed to do was look within to find my way to wherever I was supposed to go. Unfortunately in my negative state I was unable to connect to my answers; I felt paralyzed and directionless.

Had I quietly stood on the sideline of my life, I would have seen that nothing bad was happening. My husband needed to “lose” his  job, because it was no longer serving him. And he was my mirror; I was in the process of letting go of my old job to make room for my life’s work. Had I been able to put my emotions aside to look at the big picture, I would have been able to see what my Higher Self was really showing me.  Fear wouldn’t have clouded my vision. But from where I stood, it was impossible to see what I was really looking at.

Spirit was saying, “Let go, let go, let go. Make room for all the good things that are on their way to you.” But in all the noise, in all the confusion, I heard something else.  I heard, “Hold on, hold on, hold on. Your life is being taken away from you.”

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 15)

My Guides gave me an analogy to remind me to breathe. I was taking a walk one day, when they told me to look down at my hands. As I studied them, I understood what Spirit was trying to tell me. My fingers were clenched into fists. Until that moment I had no awareness that I was doing this , no idea that I was holding so tightly onto nothing.

They told me to imagine that there was a huge package on the sidewalk with my name on it. They whispered that in it was every good thing I desired to own. When they asked me to pick it up, I looked at my hands again. I knew what they were getting at.

I knew that I couldn’t pick up my gift in that position. I was aware that even if I wanted to, there was no way to get it into my hands.

Tears fell on my face as I consciously unclenched my fists and continued walking At the same time, my Guides spoke to me. “There are always gifts on our path,” they said.” But we have to be able to receive them.  We have to make room for them. Our heart has to be open and our mind has to be free of negative things in order for us to own the Good we desire to own. ”

I will never forget that analogy, or those words. It was a powerful message–to walk through life lightly and leave the weight of the past behind. Even now, every day, I look at my hands. I make sure that I am in position to own Good.

My Guides said something else that I want to share with you. As I am thinking about it, chills are running down my legs.

“An open hand that is in the position of letting go, is also in the position to receive.”

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 14)

There is no such thing as being disconnected from Spirit. Divine Intelligence is with us every moment of every day. But we only have access to spiritual guidance when we believe we are one with it. Breathing means the difference between oneness and aloneness. Breathing connects us to the ever-present energy that flows through everyone and everything in the universe. When we are in the flow, we are in the know; we are one with the rhythm of all of life. It is only when think we are alone–when we forget to breathe– that we have turned our back on the truth.

Spirit just whispered those words to remind me that I wasn’t always open, willing and ready to receive spiritual guidance. There were plenty of times when I forgot to breathe, when fear made me forget that Spirit was within me and beside me. Those were the times when I was clueless. Completely focused on physical things, I wondered where Spirit was hiding. I couldn’t hear the whisper; I wasn’t able to receive spiritual insights.  The truth eluded me, because I mistakenly believed that Spirit was separate from me, that we were facing away from each other.

During anxious moments, there was no chance of having an epiphany, no matter how hard I tried. Although music was always playing in my heart,  in a negative frame of mind, that’s not what I heard. I heard noise–loud, chaotic, persistent dissonance–energy that held the potential to distort the truth. Signs and symbols were everywhere; Spirit was shining light on every answer I needed to know in every area of my life.  But I wasn’t aware of this. I couldn’t see the truth in the dark; I couldn’t hear the music above the noise. And unfortunately, at the time, I had no awareness of why I was unable to connect to the highest part of me. I didn’t recognize the connection between what was happening in my mind and what was manifesting all around me. I didn’t understand that my life was responding to the negative energy I was holding.

The messages were clear, even though I was in no position to receive them. The universe was my mirror. My answers were within; all I needed to do was breathe in order to hear the whisper. Spirit was with me. The universe was reaching out to me. All I needed to do is put down my fists, open my fingers and let my Highest Self take my hand.

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 13)

Suddenly, everything held spiritual significance. Everything held meaning beyond what was apparent at the surface. My world was transforming before my  eyes. Now, a broken dryer wasn’t just an appliance in need of repair; it was also a spiritual message. I was burned out; I needed to take a break because I was working too hard. And there was a metaphysical reason why the garbage disposal was jammed; I was holding onto lots of old negative stuff. And the basement light went out for a reason aside from the obvious–I was trying to find  my way in the dark. I wasn’t allowing Spirit to guide me.

Every day the universe was asking me the same question repeatedly. What does this mean?  And every day it was up to  me to provide the answer. When I was peaceful and centered and calm, the truth found me. The meaning behind the message was crystal clear. But when I was complaining about broken things–when I was focused on what was wrong with my life–I felt disconnected from the universe. There was no way for Spirit to reach me; I was in the wrong place to know the truth.

As long as I was aligned with light–peace, hope, trust, acceptance and unconditional love–the truth made itself known. But any time I allowed negativity to touch my soul, it dimmed and darkened my vibration. I was unable to see what was right in front of me. In order to understand a spiritual message–to be able to distinguish truth from illusion– I needed to be centered in the present moment. I had to be focused on whatever was happening to me and around me. If I was thinking about something that happened yesterday, or worrying about what was going to happen tomorrow, I was spiritually challenged. I wasn’t able to see the physical circumstances of my life in a spiritual way.

In order to let peace and calm into my soul, I needed to have a quiet mind. In order to stay in the here and now, I needed to honor my truth. In order to see the world through Spirit’s eyes, I needed to be loving, gentle and patient. I needed to breathe.

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 12)

I was in the presence of angels, and this was something I was reminded of every day. I was never alone. Divine guidance was always within reach. My answers were as close as my own soul. Anything I needed to know about truth was immediately accessible to me, as long as I was open and ready and willing to receive spiritual insights. And,  most importantly, opportunities for enlightenment were everywhere. I didn’t have to climb a mountain or go to the ocean or pray in church. I could sit in my backyard and stare at my dogwood tree. I could fold laundry or wash dishes or scrub the bathtub. I could sit in my favorite chair, close my eyes and breathe.

Before this project found me, I believed that meditation required complete quiet. I thought I was supposed to light candles, sit cross-legged on the floor and wait for a revelation to surface from somewhere deep within me.  I thought that there was only one route to enlightenment, that my whole self needed to be still in order for divine information to reach me. This experience taught me that I didn’t have to be completely still in order to quiet my mind. I learned that anything that had a peaceful effect on me held the potential to put me in a meditative, non-thinking state of being. Knitting was something that I turned to, a passion I had embraced since childhood. Walking was another form of meditation, something that created a peaceful rhythm that soothed my soul. And of course there was writing, my very first love, the thing I was doing when I first met my Guides.

Life would never be the same from this point on. I would never be able to take things at face value. Never again would I be able to see my personal circumstances, or any one else’s, from a purely physical position. Light was shining on everything around me.  There would be no hiding from the truth.

Silent Voices of the Soul: The Backstory (part 11)

Signs and symbols were always in place to guide me, and when I was aligned with truth, they were easy to recognize.  In fact, I was acutely aware of them; I understood what the universe was whispering to me. But when my head was filled with noise, seeing the world through Spirit’s eyes was beyond challenging–it was impossible. Deep down I knew that my answers were right in front of me. And I knew that I needed to be standing in the light in order to see them. But fear wore many clever, convincing disguises; sometimes I forgot that I knew the truth.

During this journey, there were as many illusions as there were spiritual messages. When I was peaceful, I was able to see beyond the physical surface of my life. Those were the moments when everything made perfect sense; everything felt right. But when I allowed doubt or anxiety or anger or resentment to creep into my vibration, it was a different story. Those were the dark times, when fear cast a shadow on  me and everything around me.

The difference between spiritual awareness and spiritual unawareness, I discovered, was a matter of perception. Whether or not I could see the truth depended on where I was standing and how I was looking at whatever I was looking at.  Spiritual messages were all around me. But in order to recognize them I needed to be standing in the light.

There was the time when my son had thrown his backpack on the floor. I was getting ready to yell at him. I was about to call him downstairs to tell him to put it back where it belonged. And as I was walking across the room, something shifted. Light came through the window. And suddenly, I noticed something. I noticed that the backpack he had mindlessly dropped in the hallway was in the shape of a heart. Then there was the time when I was cleaning out my closet, letting go of all the old things that no longer fit me. At first I felt completely overwhelmed. I wanted to shove everything back into that tiny space, close the door and walk away. But then as I sat on the floor, closed my eyes and made myself breathe, Spirit whispered to me. As I quieted down I realized something. I wasn’t just letting go of old clothes; I was in the process of letting go of my old life, all the old things that I no longer desired to own. When I returned to the chore, I found a book beneath the mess–a reminder that I wasn’t alone. It was titled “In the Presence of Angels”.